Home > Observations about people, Personal > Anti-Idiotics…


Hello all, it’s about that time again when I’m sitting at work and my brain is melting from severe inactivity, so I must do some writing to impede the gradual deterioration.  It’s that or risk becoming stranded here after turning into a hideous, dribbling vegetable.  After all, there is only so much FML one can take in a day…

Today I want to talk about medicine.  Sounds intelligent, doesn’t it?  Actually it’s not even remotely – because I just got asked by a customer if we sold Antibiotics.  Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that Antibiotics are prescription only – available only at a pharmacy or through registered/authorised people in the medical profession.  Not an Oriental grocery store.  I mean, would you even trust it if we did?  Oh yes, lady – straight down towards the vegetable aisle, between the marinated pigs intestines and the spicy beef balls, we have some broad-spectrum antibiotics over there.  ERM.

So I mean, on the Weirdo Scale that probably scores a Weirdo Factor of 151,000,000,000.  I completely lost control of my ‘composed, unperturbed, seen-it-all customer-services face’ and gave her my ‘WTF is wrong with you!!!?? face’.  I seem to be doing that a lot lately, I really should keep track of my face.

And then the other thing that ticks me off is when customers – particularly mandarin speakers whose English is not up to scratch, call in after looking at their receipt and scream blue murder because they’ve apparently been charged for items they ‘did not buy’.  One such customer literally cried down the phone at me, saying that she ‘DID NOT BUY ANY SUCH FISH,’ and that ‘WE MADE A BIG MISTAKE’ and ohmygodtheworldisgoingtoendbecauseyouvechargedmetoomuchzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Turns out, after I checked over her receipt – the only two remotely ‘fish’ items were:

Lucky Fish Udon Ndl £1.25

Lucky Fish Beijing Ndl £0.95


So I called her back to explain that the two ‘fish’ that she ‘was charged for’ were in fact two packets of NOODLES.  Although surprisingly she saved me the hassle and sheepishly admitted that she realised that it wasn’t fish after all.  But don’t be mistaken – it is not only people with limited English who do this – the native locals seem to have the same problem here.  Of course if she used just a little bit of common sense, she would have noticed that her FISH, cost no more than 95p – what fish do you know costs 95p?  And did she really have to scream at me like I’d raped her cat over a measly £2?  I wish people would just think before they called.  I hope she felt suitably foolish.

I also got another prank call.  Yes, another one – they sure seem to be increasing in frequency lately.  I guess it must be the heat, it brings out the idiot in people.  No actually, I shall reword that: It brings out the idiot in young, British males living in the London area.  For some reason they find asking an Oriental Cash and Carry if we do delivery ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. Whatever makes you happy I guess – it might even be nice from time to time to have the IQ of Swiss cheese; easily amused and all that.

ANYWAY.  Enough of all that – I am thinking of starting a YouTube Channel.  GASP! Please don’t get too excited, you might make me nervous.  Notice the keyword in that last bit is ‘thinking’ – I might just end up with my knickers in such a twist that I end up not doing it.  BUT, the channel is more educational than entertainment (unless you have a very strange sense of humour), and is aimed specifically at a niche of people who need help in a certain area… and will be done entirely in Cantonese.  See how I was totally specific without being specific at all? Vagueness FTW!

As and when this project launches, I will be posting a sneaky link on this blog, however I am almost certain it will mean very little to any of you as you are unlikely to fall into my niche. STILL – if you DO know anyone who does when you finally find out – please be sure to direct them my way. Ooooooooh the mystery!

Thanks for reading!! Keep your eyes peeled for Film Reviews coming up!


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  1. July 12, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    kakaka hilarious! yay for youtube vids! x

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