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The Human Centipede…

So, many of you will not know from my blog posts so far, that I am a bit of a Movie-Junkie.  Specifically the horror or thriller genres, but I’m partial to some comedy, romance and sci-fi from time to time as well. 

I was playing around with the idea of reviewing movies I have seen, or just discussing films in general when something interesting comes about – so hopefully you will see the MOVIES category of my blog expand and develop into something more readable.  Bear with me whilst I work out the kinks and things I want to incorporate for this part of my blog! 

Whilst chatting to my brother the other day, we ended up discussing the latest movies we wanted to watch – (him owning a DVD rental store and me being a die-hard horror fan).  I began recounting the details to a particularly gory film I watched a while back called Grotesque.  A Japanese film so full to the brim with gore and guts that it was banned in the UK.  It’s totally illegal to supply or sell this film as far as I know, so please don’t do this.  And obviously, I cannot give you a copy.

BUT, since you cannot see a synopsis of the film on the link due to it’s illegal banned-ness, I will enlighten you briefly about its content behind the link at the bottom of this post

Ok, so on to the main topic of this post: The Human Centipede.  After describing Grotesque to my brother in full, graphic detail, he recommended this film to me having recently seen the trailer himself.

If you haven’t already heard of the film/watched it then I suggest you take a look at the trailer here. Please refer to the warning checklist below before doing so!  If you don’t think your stomach/heart is up to watching it, then I will toss some keywords into the air to give you an idea of what it is about.  Let your imagination do the rest:

 

  • Ditzy American Girls
  • Road Trip
  • Car Break Down
  • Mad German Surgeon – leading specialist in the separation of conjoined twins
  • ‘The Siamese Triplet’
  • Anus-To-Lips (Sorry.  LOL.)
  • Joined by the gastric system
  • Attempted Escape

    It received a lot of hype back in 2009 when it was released, and was rumoured to have made people run out of the cinema whilst projectile vomiting.  Don’t quote me on that one.  And as a die-hard horror movie fan, I dutifully checked out the trailer and was quite excited to sit down to 90 minutes of what I hoped would be a Saw/Hostel style gore-fest.  Of course, I needn’t have bothered to waste my time, and I suppose I really ought to have clocked that one about half-way through when the main star (a ditzy, American brunette with the IQ of grass), surrendered her chance of escape to go back for her unconscious, drugged up friend. 

    Now, I’m not saying that I don’t admire the heroism and courage displayed here, but consider these points:

    a) The friend being rescued is unconscious

    b) The friend being rescued is taller and heavier than her

    c) The BASEMENT, is where said friend is being held, and only up a wooden, spiral staircase can they exit that part of the house

    d) Our wannabe heroine has the muscle mass of a sunflower

    e) She insists on screaming and crying and grunting all the way to the escape route (a broken window) so that if the crazy doctor didn’t know where she was to begin with, he definitely would know by the time she got close to her escape point. 

    The whole 10 minute ordeal was enough to give me a nose bleed, and in hindsight I wonder why I continued watching.  As you can imagine, I’ve been through my fair share of horror/thriller movies and I’ve lost count of how many low-budget, pointless, plotless films featuring moronic lead characters I’ve made myself sit through, all in the hope that the film would get better eventually.  Every time I swear to myself that I will not make the same mistake again, and if I even so much as get a whiff of a stupid character I will switch it off.  This one, I guess I will have to add to my ‘Just wasted 90 minutes of my life’ list. 

    So without detailing the whole film (and possibly ruining it for those who actually want to waste 90 minutes of their lives too), I give this film a PUKE-FEST rating for its gory concept – and that’s the CONCEPT only, not the actual film, and an overall rating of 5 out of 10.  For trying.

     

    The Human Centipede

    P200711617275870 

     

     

     

    1star 1star 1star 1star 1star 1stargrey 1stargrey1stargrey1stargrey1stargrey

     

    Actually I’m not so sure why I wanted to share what essentially was a CRAP film with you all, but after watching it I felt compelled to blog about it.  Oh well, there goes my steam.  Maybe I just wanted to share a bunch of interesting links with you guys.

    eheh

    I’m watching Precious and The Blind Side tonight (you see?  No guts and blood in these two at all!), so if there’s anything actually blog-worthy in those then I will post something up. 

    ———————————————————————————————————————–

    Ok – so as promised, the synopsis to Grotesque.

     

    no

    Please do NOT read any further if you check any of the following:

    a) of sensitive disposition

    b) not a horror/gore movie fan

    c) easily nauseated

    d) easily offended

    e) suffer from nightmares related to scary films/descriptions of scary films

    So don’t say I didn’t warn you – I decided to write this post because I enjoy sharing my hobbies and interests with you, some of you may find the content humorous (if you do, good for you, it’s intentional – if you don’t, I apologise in advance and advise you to leave the link alone!)

    mad

     

    So the film is about a deranged psycho who gets a kick out of messing with random people’s minds and torturing them until they die.  It begins with a couple – on their first ‘date’, or rather a lunch meeting, as they are not even an official item.  The man confesses his love to her and she half-heartedly bats it off as a joke.  After the lunch, they hold hands and walk home together and attract the attention of said psycho.  Psycho knocks them out and ties them up in his scary basement.  From here ensues an hour of sick, perverse torture which includes amputation, disembowelling of the man and random sex acts.

    A lot of critics have come down on the film like a tonne of bricks, branding it ‘sick’ with no plot.  However, I do believe that it’s the concepts within the film that make it quite a worthwhile watch.  You do have to have a stomach of steel to sit through this one – maybe years of desensitization from watching equally twisted movies like Ichi The Killer or Audition.  But the thing that kept me riveted to the screen was the fact that this single question was posed throughout the film to the male star – “would you die for her?”. 

    The psycho mistakenly takes the two as a couple, and initially even asks how long they’ve been together, and how many times he has seen her naked.  This is the first ironic twist in the film, as we know that the two people barely know each other and are not even official.  The crazed madman then proceeds to tell the man that he will begin amputating his lady-friend’s various limbs and bits and pieces off, whilst she is still awake.  But the heart-rending stuff is still to come – the psycho then tells the man that he is willing to spare her, if the man will accept the torture in her place.

    Would you?  For a girl you had a crush on but barely knew?  Well, he would.  And he suffers through an arsenal of vomit-inducing, graphic violence before thankfully passing out.  The psycho then asks the woman whether she would like to die for him.  And the heartless cow says no.  For reasons I cannot remember too clearly she gets some bits chopped off too, probably because she was a heartless bitch.  Anyway so after they both fade to black, they awaken in a clean, bright, white room in hospital-style beds.  They are bandaged and stitched up (as well as they could be, minus their limbs and eyes etc), but handcuffed to the bed rails.  The psycho then tells them that they did a grand job on satisfying his perverted fetishes and he will now be nursing them back to reasonable health and turning himself in to the police, whilst cashing in on a large sum of insurance money, which he will be gifting the unfortunate couple for their troubles.  They are doubtful at first, obviously – but after a week or two of kind treatment, despite their now deformed and handicapped bodies, they are hopeful.  The woman expresses her heartfelt gratitude to the man for his courage and love, and offers herself as his life-long partner.

    Next thing you know, they’ve woken up back in the basement, where Psycho man tells them that actually, he’s changed his mind.  He hasn’t had enough fun and he wants to play some more. 

    More torture follows, and builds up to the finale where he presents them with this scenario: The woman is tied up and will suffer an inevitable death, if the man cannot save her in time.  The man will be on one side of the room, and her on the other.  He will have one end of his intestine detached, and hooked onto the wall behind him.  He then has to make his way across them room to his tied-up lady-friend, and cut her free with the scissors he has been given.  If he dies of blood loss before he reaches her, then she will die – but if he is able to free her, then she will get to live.  OR – he can abandon her now and he can go free, but she will definitely die.

    Of course, the poor man agrees to try for her sake and ends up unravelling his guts on the floor.  He reaches her with his last ounce of strength and courageously tries to cut her free.  The rope around her appears to cut, but only to reveal a steel wiring beneath it – which of course, the scissors are unable cut.  Realising his failure and having reached his limit he falls to the floor after apologising pitifully to her.

    blood

    The rest is not really important – but I felt that for the man’s undying courage alone it was worth the hour and a half.  On the scale of things, it’s probably highly unlikely anyone would find themselves in such a bizarre situation, but the male star portrayed his role well and performed with genuine and believable emotion.  I think it achieved its question of, ‘would you die for someone you loved?’ – and she was not even a long term girlfriend or someone he knew intimately.  The combination of heroism, bravery and just darned gentlemanly behaviour for the girl he had a crush on, even in the face of the horrific acts he had to endure was intriguing to me, and made you sympathise with the character greatly.  After all, it COULD happen – and how many men do you know would do the same for you?

    ———————————————————————————————————————–

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    1. Sheila
      June 25, 2010 at 9:30 am

      LOL i LOVE this blog.
      it never fails to make me laugh 😀

      • June 25, 2010 at 8:33 am

        Many thanks! I edited the order of the most recent post a few times because of technical limitations! Thanks for stopping by! Xxx

    2. P
      June 26, 2010 at 9:51 am

      The hunt is on for that film!!! It sounds right up my street! Lovin the blogs – inject a bit of humor into my day!

      • June 26, 2010 at 8:56 am

        Haha you mean Grotesque? You would love it, I know that much lol! You’re probably my only reader who would find this post humorous! Xxxx

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