Home > Humorous, Observations about people > Drunken Chicken Woman…

Drunken Chicken Woman…

Another day at work, another phone call from a weirdo.  The tragedy here is, these calls are probably the only interesting parts of my week…

It’s barely 11am and the long drag of Saturday has just begun and the phone call with Drunken Chicken Woman (DCW) goes like this:

DCW: Hello, I’d like to give my opinion on an issue, would it be best to speak to a manager or  can I speak to the customer services department?

Me: Well you can give me your opinion…if you want.

DCW: Ok, so I’ve been shopping at your store for over a year (why do they always feel like they have to mention this?) and I used to by the LKK Drunken Chicken Sauce.  But recently you haven’t stocked it and I have to go all the way to China Town to buy it.  I spoke to one of your colleagues and she said that she would express this problem to a manager, but you still don’t have it in stock.

Me: Well, the chances are if we don’t stock it, then it’s because there is very little audience for it.

DCW: Well, couldn’t you get in a few bottles since you get the other sauces from LKK, I’m sure you could just get a few bottles of this sauce as well.  I mean, do you have to take a WHOLE case if you were to order this sauce from them?  I know I can’t buy that many bottles but I would use at least one bottle a month.  It’s just that I really like to make drunken chicken and it’s not really fair that I have to go all the way to China Town to get it.

Me: Erm – usually with sauces, we have to order not by cases, but palettes. That’s thousands and thousands of bottles…There are only 12 bottles in a WHOLE case.

DCW: Oh REALLY?  THAT MUCH?  Why would you need that much??  I thought you could order just a few bottles…(uh, no, stupid woman, we’re not a corner shop you know…)

Me: No, it would be by the palette as we are a very large store with a lot of customers, so that’s why if there is not much interest in a product we usually stop stocking it, as it wouldn’t make sense for us to stock a load of something, and then have it go off because no one wants it.

DCW: Oh yes, last time I came shopping I saw some Pork Floss you were selling that had expired.

Me:  aho ANYWAY…what I mean is – if we stopped stocking it, it’s because not enough people buy it, and as a company it wouldn’t make sense for us to stock something that nobody buys.

DCW: Well I just think it’s a bit over the top that I have to go all the way to China Town to buy it; that really isn’t fair (life’s not fair, moron – get over it!).  Maybe you could mention this to your manager and get it back in stock, because really I don’t want to go all the way to China Town to get it and if you had it then I wouldn’t have to.

Me: Yeah sure, I’ll mention it if you like (not).

DCW: Thank you that would be great because I really don’t want to go all the way to China Town and it’s because you don’t stock it that I have to do that, so you have to consider my circumstance.

……………………………………

What I WANTED to say of course, which I could never say unless I no longer needed my job is:

Erm, no – I definitely will NOT be troubling my manager to request something so ridiculous.  I’m not sure who you think you are, but just stop for a minute and consider the absurdity of your request.  It is neither our fault nor responsibility that you feel the need to make drunken chickens, and if you choose to do so, it is of your own free will – therefore your having to travel to China Town, France or the end of the Earth to find the sauce you need has nothing to do with us, or how FAIR anything is.  Please in future think before you pick up the phone to speak – I am more than happy to put in a request for an order, but not if you insist on blaming us for random, irrelevant things like travel.  Now stop wasting my time and go make some chicken. 

The irony of this story is, I later checked the system and it turns out we have plenty of LKK Drunken Chicken Sauce.  So aside from an obnoxiously inflated sense of self-importance, this woman clearly needs a sight test as well.

Just thought I’d share this snippet with you as I haven’t had enough time to write about something important/insightful/interesting.  The fact that little else goes on in my daily life really doesn’t help this situation!  The joys of customer service.  And they wonder why some people just lose it and go on a shooting spree.

 

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  1. Jackie
    June 21, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    I’ve just found your blog on a random search, read through the whole thing and laughed until I cried!

    Please keep writing – you’ve brightened my day no end!

    I worked for years in customer service (which is one of the reasons that you’re posts are so funny to me) and I also cannot believe sometimes that they are out there! However, I’ve moved into marketing and now feel that vengence is mine as I get to influence the minds of the masses!! So much more fun!

    Thanks for the giggles!! x

    • June 21, 2010 at 11:40 am

      Thank you and I’m glad it helped to brighten your day! Usually the situations are so annoying whilst they happen but when I later write about them it just seems funny! Thanks for reading, I will definitely keep writing! Xxx

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