Home > Observations about people, Personal > Work Wanted: Babysitter/Nanny/PROSTITUTE?!

Work Wanted: Babysitter/Nanny/PROSTITUTE?!

First of all, a quick apology for being away for so long; I have been insanely busy lately and haven’t had any chance or energy to blog about anything!

In the latest news, I was offered some kind of bizarre promotion at work which turned out to be more of a con (and so I plan to decline), and then the strangest of things happened.

As fate would have it, I landed a very nice job with a very lovely family – but moreover I wanted to discuss the advertisement I placed which lead me to this job.  Babysitter/Nanny/Home Help was the title of my ad; aside from a brief description of myself and some photos, the main duties I outlined included taking care of children, keeping the household organised and helping out with any ad-hoc duties related to the home and family.  Since launching the ad, I have been inundated with offers and responses, most of which seem genuine and sincere.

Today, however, when checking my email I came across one particular offer that had me belly-laughing in disbelief.  I present to you the email as received (typos and all): 

 

Hi,
I am a business man and based in canary wharf. I am natively Pakistani British born of 35 yrs age. married with 3 kidz.

I am looking for a non office based social PA.

Role:
Social discussion for stress theropy in social places e.g. Pubs and resturants (free excluding salary).

Nicely dress and decent chatter, must drink at least a pint or 2 of beer.

Meeting will be always at social places.

It is not a Sex offer as job role explained above.

Must be very social and confident to hug and greeting kiss.

Reward: £60 pounds for 3 hours meeting + travel + free drinks and food.

If you appriciate the offer you can contact me.

meetings will be mostly at Canary Wharf social places and after meeting i will go home to spend time with my family and kidz.

 

As I scanned my way through the email once, and then again (to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating) I wondered where on earth in my advert had I included ‘Female Escort’ into the job description.  Looking over the email, my first thought was not how this ‘business man’ had overlooked the blatantly offensive spelling errors in the email, nor was it that he expected me to guzzle 2 pints of beer whilst chatting decently and NOT giving him sex; but rather it was how he insisted on spelling the word, ‘kids’ with a ‘z’ instead of an ‘s’.  Clearly in the case of the other words, he just wasn’t able to spell them – but this ‘z’ business was deliberate and totally obnoxious. 

Did he think it would make him look cool?  Modern and trendy perhaps?  Or maybe his 3 imaginary kidz are a little bit ‘street’ and have subsequently rubbed-off on him.  Whatever the reason, nothing he wrote after ‘I am a business man’ succeeded in making me believe he was even remotely human, let alone genuine.   

And then the icing on the cake had to be my REWARD.  My REWARD, for giving him a confident hug and a greeting kiss, and chatting drunkenly over some cheap alcohol whilst engaging in non-sex related stress therapy was £60.  After which he would toddle off home, fully satisfied to spend some quality time with his…kidz.

Like a good girl should, I will ignore his email.  But I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to reply:

Dear Business Man,

I would rather disembowel myself with a plastic spork than engage in 3 hours of lager-laced non-sex with you.  Please note for future reference that babysitters offer their services as caretakers of children, and not adult deviants with too much money.  Do not assume that by including the word ‘kidz’ in your job description that I will somehow be fooled into thinking that the job is relevant.  The very notion that you would confuse a babysitter with a personal escort makes me want to puke into your mouth.  Go home and apologise to your wife and spend that money on her, you bleeding anal passage.

Regards.

 

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  1. February 19, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    ahaha hilarious!! what an idiot! good come back lol

  2. February 19, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    LOL 🙂 The world is a messed up place!

  3. February 20, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    Fricking awesome!!!!

    Please, please, PLEASE send that email….think of the kidz!

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